I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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