What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
