Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
