we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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