Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
