You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
