omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
