I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize