funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
