I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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