I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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