I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
