No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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