There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
