Where is the hickey?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
