Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
