puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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