I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
