Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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