I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
