just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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