I just gift wrapped bread.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
