I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
