This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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