turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
