K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
