I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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