Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
