I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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