He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
