I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
