Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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