Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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