Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
