She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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