So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
