He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
