Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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