All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
