were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
