Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
