My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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