omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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