There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Vodka?
Forever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
