so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
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