I think I died a long time ago.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
