My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
