I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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