I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
