Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
