lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
