one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
