Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
