Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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