U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
