i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
