Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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