I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
