I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
