Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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