We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
