Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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