how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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