i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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