party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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