Sry I called you an 8
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
