But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
